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Monday, July 07, 2003
time/location: 3.56am/ home listening to: Kid Rock - Devil Without A Cause 
Can't sleep can't sleep. As I sit in fronta the screen, taking little puffs from my lighted menthol cigarette, I could swear there are at least a thousand, no, a million thoughts running through my head right now. All these encircling a single, harsh fact: I don't even hafta go to school today. Through the process of rummaging through my old stuff I came across some letters from the school, including the one for the FMS Orientation 2002 and also the one which indicated my failed appeal. A consummate example of a start and an abrupt end. These letters made me ponder about my sad, sad term in a school I have always dreamt of attending. Was my decline due to a change in direction? It might have been caused by my over-indulgence in music and fooling around. Teenage willfulness? Or could it be because I went "astray"? I'm sure the root of these problems ultimately lie within me. Stubbornness. Who's gonna change me? Procrastination. I've got forever to do everything in the world. Attitudinal breakdown. I'm headstrong and I can't be bothered. I am an obstinate wreck. But I want to go back to school, someday. Maybe I just need a break.. for a while.. I've been sittin' here Tryin' to find myself I get behind myself I need to rewind myself Lookin for the payback Listen for the playback They say that every man bleeds just like me And I feel like number one Yet I'm last in line I watch my youngest son And it helps to pass the time I take too many pills it helps to ease the pain I made a couple of dollar bills still I feel the same Everybody knows my name They say it way out loud A lot of folks fuck with me It's hard to hang out in crowds I guess that's the price you pay To be some big shot like I am Outstretched hands and one night stands Still I can't find love And when your walls come tumbling down I will always be around rayve said @ 4:54 AM |
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Rayve
110785 Email me Other blogs: Ailin Arvin Belle Daniel David David Charles Ena Faith Green Jacqueline Jaesen James Randy Richard Rosalyn Xueting Zhiyun Also check out: Audioreload Blogger Incubus LetsSingIt Newcastle United YouTube |